This schedule that I had planned for my birthday failed miserably. Now I'm left with no one to talk to, I'm sick, and I'm dreading waking up tomorrow. I have my razors here in a drawer. I'm not going to use them today but I'm not sure what tomorrow holds, or then next day, or the next. I won't be able to return them to where they belong until Wednesday. I also can't cut on my arm before Monday morning because I have to get another shot and they'll see if I do. They may even see the scars I already have and ask questions. I don't know if I can handle any more questions. I've had enough. Yes, okay? I'm fucked up. I know this already. Now can we just get on with it? That's what I WANT to say to them. I just don't have the courage. I can tell that effort was put into my birthday this year by everyone to make it better than last year's but the day still failed. I think I should just not celebrate anymore. We'd all be much better off.
