I hate myself. Nothing can explain the agony I feel when I look into the mirror. I hate the clothes that I wear and the way I look in them. I refuse to weigh myself for fear I've gained weight. I won't wear tight shirts or shorts because I get so angry with myself for not looking perfect in them. Even things I used to wear have been stuffed in drawers never to be seen again. Whenever I even think of food I want to smack myself. Each moment of thought is filled with my mind trying to keep me from eating (even though I've only been eating things that are completely fat-free) I hate myself when I eat even fat-free foods. I wish they wouldn't ask me if I've lost weight. It only makes me feel like I've failed. And I don't deal well with failure. I can't say anything right. The more and more I try, the harder it gets. I just want to crawl in a hole and pull the hole in after me. There's no point left to life. I find each day more tedious than the last.
