I am in pain. My mind aches for something, some stimulation maybe. I've been reading non-stop but the books are about eating disorders and cutting and depression--self help books and personal stories and the such. They're getting old. I want to go back to the hospital. I'm going to go crazy here and it hasn't even been a week. I decided my goal weight is 100. I'm pretty happy now so 100 should be just right. I'm short so that isn't that drastic a drop. I don't want to ride my horse again. I'm afraid. I'm afraid I won't be able to take it when we finally sell him. I'm also afraid I won't be able to lose the weight I want to lose. It's the only thing left that I'm able to fail at. I don't want to but I keep slipping. I'm afraid to weigh myself. It will just ruin me if it's gone up. Maybe I should just go to sleep. Hopefully tomorrow will breeze by--unlike the past month.
