Blackened clouds cover the sky though I wear shorts and a tank-top...metaphorically speaking. Things are not going well upstairs though I shed no tears, I do not wear a frown, and that little voice inside is not telling me to slit my wrists. I do not want to be this heavily medicated forever though I fear for my life without them. Though I do not frown, I do not smile either--or laugh or criticize or argue. I am forever indifferent. I am not content with the things people say but my mind has not a single thought of sarcasm or argumentative slur. I dissociate in public so that I don't feel the need to lash out irrationally, yeah. Yes, I know this is not normal. That question constantly arises within your mind. Don't you think I know I'm not well? Would I be sitting here in front of you if everything in my life were normal? No. And yes, I use you to replace my mother because she is no longer an acceptable person with whom I can communicate. I only wish you knew how much I rely on you to be there when you say you're going to be there. If you knew, you'd never miss or cancel an appointment ever again. Anyhow, I went to a shop that sells swords. An amazing place. Such fine craftsmanship. I bought a knife. The blade is over 7 inches long and the handle has and eagle's head and talons at the end. I can't tell my parents that I bought it, under the circumstances, but I fear what will happen if they find out I hid it from them. Oh life is filled with so many inadequacies. Good night. And with some luck I will be able to speak when the sun rises.
