Amas-Veritas.com

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i feel like if i'm not careful, i'm going to break down and start crying. i don't even know why. maybe the day was more than i could handle. i haven't worn short sleeves outside my bedroom in six months give or take. today i threw one on late in the evening and i realized why. i have social phobia--i do not leave my home for much more than therapy these days. the sun has been all but non-existent in some time. if i had black hair and a black wardrobe, i'd qualify as gothic. my skin is pale from never seeing the sun. my thoughts are dark and fairly morbid. blame it on the times, blame it on medication or my choice in reading material. oh man, or my unbelievably blinding migraines. i just want to lie in bed today. call it an emotional hangover from yesterday's events. my sister wants me to see her apartment today. first, i've never been there. she's going to give me directions but it will be dark and my glasses just aren't what they used to be. then this migraine and i want to be home before 10:00p so I can talk to my friend. maybe this all won't seem like a big deal once my migraine's gone...that is, providing it's gone before i have to leave. 5 1/2 hours later and it's still there. i talked to my mother and she gave me a few suggestions. i think i'm going to go over there thursday afternoon when the sun's out. i just couldn't deal with my cousin yesterday. thursday won't be such a big deal. i feel bad though always rescheduling. oh well, i'll do thursday, no doubt. the only time my head isn't pounding is when i'm sleeping...good night.