Amas-Veritas.com

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Ideally, i would have spent this birthday alone. I feel this overwhelming sense of failure, unlike I have ever felt before. And I don't know where it comes from. I feel like I've failed myself. I need to get past this, for my own survival. I need to cry...but I can't. Not today. Not ever. I've lost all ability to feel. I feel nothing. I want to cry so badly, but I don't know why. I want to cry, but I won't allow it...
I pressed the razor deep within to search for courage there
All I found was pain inside--more than I could bare.

I searched for ways to blame myself for all the scars within
What I found were memories there of all that I had been.

The blade to me was so much more, a thing to help me through
But all it did was cause me pain and make me start anew.

I drew the blade across my arm to let the pain run out
I watched it wash away for now and cleanse me throughout.

I want so badly to work on version 4.0 of my website, but I've only just finished version 3.0. I love it actually. I'd like to include JavaScript in my next one but it will take me longer to learn that and I don't have any books on it. I'm tired of these boring point and click websites full of words. I want something more exciting, more creative. I want to cut so badly. This website thing just isn't cutting it anymore (hm..). I wish it was. I have so much fun designing the overall layout.