I know I said my ed is all about looks but really it's about control as well. I get so pissed off at myself if I feel I can't control it. I haven't been able to control it at all since I left the hospital and I've been so uncomfortable even in my own home. When I was starving myself I knew I was in control and I was perfectly comfortable around the house and at the stables. Now it's gone to Hell and I can't get myself to stop eating again. I think my body said "this hospital food is like prison food" and when I got out, it was screaming for something tasty and filling. Two things it hadn't had in about a year. Now I can't get back with it and I'm so depressed all of the time because of it.
