I have a terrible headache in anticipation for group saturday. my stomach ache went away some time ago but my headache has just progressed. Lisa said she'd call me when she got off work, that was 2hrs ago. oh well, i feel like i need some extended isolation just to get through. i ate today. i wasn't going to. it'll be easier though i hope once school starts and group gets going. i don't get it, i've been eating healthy though not more than one meal a day, doing my exercises and nothing. maybe it's just taking longer than usual. i guess i'll just keep at it until i find something better. fasting has become all but impossible. i beat myself up over a measly rice cake. i'm so worn out..mentally and physically. dissociating all the time isn't as easy as it looks. i feel like it freezes all my thoughts. i went to therapy today and it was so hard to complete a thought. i find myself dissociating all the time. probably more than 90% of the time. i find myself doing it even at home. if i can't be myself and "associated" at home, then where??
